Book Review of “Getting The Love You Want” by Harville Hendrix
July 1st, 2011 by Diane Conklin under Diane's Book Reviews. No Comments.
So, you may be asking why in the world would a marketing and business strategist be reading and talking about a relationship book.
Well, it’s really because there are all kinds of subjects that fascinate and intrigue me, but also because relationships are relationships to some degree and the more you know about people, how they think, what makes them tick and all that, the better business person and marketer you can be. And, I always need to be working on being a better me and certainly a better spouse and partner.
I’m not talking about manipulating people or their feelings here either, but a true understanding of our individual experiences and how that affects each of us, the people we are and what we become.
The basis of the book is that in order to heal your relationships you have to heal the childhood needs that were not provided for by your main care taker. This isn’t about blaming all the things that go wrong in your life on something that happened in your childhood. It’s about working on your relationship so you can have advocacy with your spouse and not one way conversations, which is what a lot of us have.
It’s not my purpose here to go into the whole strategy, if you want to work through this process, I would recommend you get the book and read it. This book is all based on what’s called Imago Therapy, and there are therapists and workshops all over the world that practice what’s talked about in this book.
The practical application of all this, if you would with your spouse, or if you want to support your partner more in their business – even if you don’t work together everyday – that you begin to look at each other as wounded children who are trying to heal. And, to understand that often the things that irritate us most about those closest to us are the very things we need to work on in ourselves.
The other really big take away I got form this book was the concept of sacred space. What this means is that the space between you and your partner/spouse is sacred and that you never say or do anything that would jeopardize or hurt that. As simple as this concept seems, it’s not always easy to implement and keep at the forefront of your mind.
If you’re anything like me, you get moving on things in your life and business and sometimes forget there’s anybody else in the world, let alone your office, your home or your life…you’re simply driving ahead filled with the idea, wonder and love of the accomplishment. With only the end destination in mind, we forget to enjoy the journey and those around us as well. Unfortunately, the person or people who are most important to use are often the ones who suffer the most.
Harville says we should place the order of things in our life in this order:
- Partner/Spouse
- Children
- Business
It makes so much sense when you see it written out in front of you like that, but it’s certainly harder to live in the everyday – especially when your spouse keeps doing things that you perceive as irritating, even after you’ve “asked” them to stop.
The last big take away I’d like to share with you from the book is the concept of asking for what you want. So many times we just assume others know what we’re thinking, or we think we know what somebody else is thinking, instead of simply asking.
Ever bought the spouse a gift they didn’t really want? For the next holiday or special occasion, try asking them what they want instead. Or, step up and ask for what you want or need from your spouse and watch how things around you change. In your life and your business alike!
By the way, I think all these concepts are applicable to all of our relationships – those with our employees, vendors, business associates, partners, spouses, children, and even the clerk at the grocery store.
I can’t wait to hear what you think…
Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition
